


Pain

by robertttsugden



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-10 08:50:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19903054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertttsugden/pseuds/robertttsugden
Summary: When Loki is struggling with his mental health and begins to self harm, how will others come to support him through this?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> If you are triggered by self harm, then please be careful as this will contain discussion of Loki self harming.
> 
> Additionally, in later chapters there will be discussion of Bruce Banners past MCU suicide attempt, and I'm also going to bring in comic Stephen Stranges alcohol abuse but there will be trigger warnings before them specific chapters so don't worry.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this and any comments whether it be feedback or suggestions for what I could include are very much appreciated!
> 
> Thanks for reading :)

Disappointment.

That's all Loki ever had been, and all that he ever would be. At least in his head, that was the case.

He deserved to be hurt, he deserved everything bad that's happened to him over the years, he even wishes it had been more extreme. All he knew was pain, and now there's none of that in his life anymore he misses it, he even craves it to an extent. That's why he's doing this, he needs the pain, he needs to have a reminder of how much of a disappointment he is. With that thought racing round and round in his mind, he presses the razor into his pale skin and drags it slowly along his arm, the white being replaces with a crimson red as he savours the feeling he gets. All the thoughts in his head stop for a split second and everything feels like it's okay again. But everything returns to the way it was before when the blades reached the other side of his arm and the bloods stopped pouring.

So he does it again.

And again.

And again.

He does it until there isn't much of his left forearm that hasn't been caught up in the damage, and then it really hits him what he's just done. Has he really become that pathetic he's turned to hurting himself just to stop the thoughts? Well the many lacerations he's just made seem to suggest so. Now he needs to figure out what to do next, he's never done anything like this before. He'd thought about it, many, many times, but he'd never actually gone through with it. Until today, that is. He turns the sink on and rinses the razor blade to get rid of any evidence, seen as though he shares this bathroom with a few others, and then does the same with his arm. It stings like hell, but he likes it, as fucked up as that seems. They've mostly stopped bleeding now, seen as though he didn't even do it that deep, but the sting is still there , which is a good thing because it helps keep him distracted from all the rotten thoughts he can't stop himself from having. He assumes the next step would be to bandage them, but he hadn't thought that far ahead and has nothing there to do that with. It's not like he's known for wearing much short sleeved attire anyway, as long as he plays it carefully he should be okay. He'll just have to plan ahead for next time. If there is a next time, that is. That's something he hadn't really thought about, was this just going to be a one time thing? Even though he's gone and done it, he knows it's not something he should really be doing, didn't stop him though. Bit hypocritical. Anyway, he only did it that one time because of how bad his thoughts had got, as long as they didn't get so loud again, he wouldn't be doing it. Hopefully this will stop them.


	2. Chapter 2

The next few days Loki just went on as he normally would, winding up his brother Thor, being on the receiving end of constant insults and digs at him due to his past actions, pretending as if he was okay, when really he wasn’t. What he did the other day hasn’t fixed anything, it’d made them worst in all honesty. He just wanted to forget he ever did it, that was quite hard though with the constant reminder he’d carved into his own skin. Surely, the regret he had over it would make him not want to do it again, but it was having the opposite effect. He wanted to do it even more. He wanted to get that razor and dig it deep into his skin over and over until the blood had dyed his skin red. He hadn’t done it yet, he’d been fighting it off but it was getting more and more difficult the longer it’s been and eventually it gets too mugh, he retreats to the bathroom and starts the viscous cycle all over again. 

This time he’s bought himself some bandages, much more prepared than he was last time. Deep down he knew it would come to this, he knew he would end up doing it again. He couldn’t resist it. He couldn’t resist the release it gave him, from the demons that intruded his mind on a daily basis. This time it wasn’t as much of a big deal, he came to realise that afterwards. Maybe last time he was just over reacting. It’s not like it’s anything serious is it ? Just a few cuts here and there. Maybe other people wouldn’t see it like that, for example Thor. God knows he would throw a fit if he found out about it. Bruce and Stephen, from a medical point of view, might not take a liking to it either. Stephens probably the closest thing to a friend he has around here, in fact, he would stretch as far as to call him a friend. He’d very much like him to be more than that to him, but how could anyone ever love someone like him, someone who’d done such vile and disgusting things. He’d never be loved and that’s exactly what he deserves.


End file.
